Well I'm late with my first Fitness Friday post. I was so sick yesterday that I left work early and spent the rest of the day in bed. I think I need to be better about getting enough sleep. I've been up late every night studying for a test and it has taken its toll on me.
So overall this wasn't a bad week for me. I didn't work out much this week. I'm still having a hard time figuring out a schedule that works enough for me to get into a routine. I need routine in order to stay consistent. I'm going to try something new next week. I'm changing my work hours so that I can go to work one hour later every morning. My husband will take the kids to daycare and I will do my runs before work. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I will go to the gym for weight training after work. I'm going to stick to the two workout programs I was doing in California until I get the routine down (Ease into 10K and iPersonalTrainer). These were working well for me then and are a good starting point for me. After I get back to where I was, I'll look at branching out with different routines and adding interval training. I'm not focused so much on being hard-core right now as I am just getting back into a pattern since I know that without a routine, I will ultimately fail. Hopefully the new schedule I've worked out will do the trick... especially since I can keep it once my oldest starts Kindergarten in August.
While I didn't do so well in the exercise department this week, I did great on the diet end. Hubs has been cooking every night... not super crazy diet food but generally healthy food with flavor. Many of his recipes have been from Epicurous and are delicious. I also have been taking my lunch to work and eating healthy food throughout the day. One package of oatmeal and greek yogurt for breakfast, eggsalad sandwich with celery sticks and peanut butter for lunch, and fruit to snack on. I even lost just over 5 lbs this week which is really encouraging. I know that when I start weight training again my weight loss will slow or stall because of the muscle mass I'll be adding, which is why I'm not focused too much on the scale, but I am happy to see that the fat will come off.
I forgot to take a picture of myself so I will have to make sure I do it this week and will post it next Friday.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Marriage Monday- Communication (WITH your spouse)
I have heard countless people, countless times say that the key to a successful marriage is good communication. Guess what? They're right. Why do so many couples fail to communicate with each other? It's common sense right? What makes us fail in this department over and over again? Honestly I have no idea.... but I know what works for Jim and I. In my opinion, every couple needs to take a step back once in a while and look at how they communicate with each other. Again, mostly common sense stuff but sometimes we can use a little reminder.
Typical scenario: Husband leaves socks rolled up in a ball on the floor. Wife rolls her eyes, maybe huffs a bit, and because she feels she has repeated herself a billion times, she automatically uses "the voice" and says something along the lines of, "How many times do I have to ask you to pickup your socks?" Husband interprets this as nagging and stops listening.
Is there communication going on here? Sure. Is it GOOD communication? No.
I don't know how many times I've had a friend talk to me about something his/her spouse does that drives them nuts. Maybe they had a fight about it or maybe he/she is just pissed. I'll ask, "Have you sat down and talked about it?" 9 times out of 10, they haven't.
When there is a problem between you and your spouse, you have to make a conscious effort to stop yourself from making a snap reaction. No matter what the problem is, no matter how big or small, you have to remain calm, sit down and explain what the issue is without being accusative. Then come up with a solution TOGETHER. That part seems to be difficult for people. Don't tell your spouse what you're gonna do or what they need to do. Talk about it and decide together on something that is do-able and satisfactory for both of you. While you should avoid quick angry reactions, you also shouldn't let something go for a week without talking about it. Address problems once you've calmed down but as soon as possible. If you sit and stew in your anger for a week, something that is really a small problem could end up huge because not only have you been building up more anger, but this whole time, you're spouse didn't know there was a problem and may have done the offending behavior four more times that week.
I mentioned previously that I have been married before. I learned a LOT about communication from my first marriage... too bad I didn't learn it until after we were already divorced. My ex loved video games. He played them all the time. He played them instead of looking for jobs or even having sex. I got frustrated and nagged at him about it all the time. "Why don't you ever spend time with me?" "Why don't you get off the video games and look for a job?" He also loved his truck and spent way too much money on after market parts for it. I nagged at him about that too. "You're spending money on that again?" I thought I was talking and communicating but I wasn't, or I wasn't doing it effectively anyway. We talked one time a couple years after our divorce and actually communicated. He didn't realize that I was so stressed about money and that I wanted to spend more time together. I thought I was telling him this but I wasn't. I was nagging and talking out of anger and not getting my point across. And because of how I talked to him, he got defensive or annoyed right away and didn't listen to me. I was communicating but not the right message. My ex's problem was that he didn't talk at all. He told me after our divorce that if I had just sat down and played video games WITH him once in a while, he would have been more inclined to stop playing and spend time doing other things with me. He wanted me to take an interest in his hobby. He also said that if I had sat down with him and explained our financial situation calmly, he might have understood better why he needed to stop spending so much money on his truck. He didn't realize why I had been so upset all the time. But he never told me any of that when we were married! I also wasn't very encouraging. I never told him when he did a good job at anything; I only pointed out when he screwed up. No wonder why he tuned me out!
I have made a conscious effort to not repeat any of those communication errors with Hubs. We both make sure that if we have an issue, we talk about it as calmly as possible. If we start to get angry or raise our voices, we pause and come back to it after we've calmed down and have had time to think. It was difficult for me to do that at first. I thought yelling just meant I was passionate about what I was saying and that it was perfectly ok. News flash.... it's not okay. Yelling and saying things out of anger is totally unproductive. Now it is totally natural for me to stop myself and ask Hubs if I can think for a minute before we finish the conversation. Or I'll just say, "I'm getting really angry, can we finish this talk later?" It felt awkward at first but now I don't even think about it. The trick is that you have to make sure you come back to it. Preferably within a day. Otherwise you could fall into the "I'm getting angry let's talk about it later but we really never end up talking about it" trap.
Also remember that you are communicating ALL the time. What you wear, how you move around the house, how you look at your spouse, your tone of voice, how you talk to others in front of your spouse (I'll talk more about this in another post.)... You are communicating through all these things. Do I mean you have to look beautiful and gaze longingly at your husband while strutting around the house all the time? No. But when you wear your most unattractive PJ's to bed every night and leave the teddy in the dresser drawer, you're communicating. When something is visibly bothering you and you don't talk to your spouse about it, you're communicating. When you zone out watching t.v. every night, you're communicating. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that you should read into everything your spouse does to look for a hidden massage. I've pointed out these things to show you ways that YOU can improve the messages YOU send to your spouse every day. Take out the teddy every so often. Smile at your spouse across the dinner table. Hand the t.v. remote to your spouse once in a while. If something is bothering you, even if it doesn't have to do with your spouse, talk about it. When you're excited about something, tell your spouse. That kind of communication leads to better intimacy and is very important. It builds trust, confidence and companionship between you. Your spouse should be your best friend. I have gotten to the point where if I find out good or bad news, hear a rumor, find out secret, or hear about a job opportunity, I can't wait to go home and tell Hubs all about it because he is my best friend.
Communication really is key in a great marriage. The better your communication is, the better your sex life, finances, parenting, and overall contentment will be. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface on this topic, but it will be a recurring theme throughout my Marriage Monday posts because it goes hand-in-hand with so many other topics and because it is SO important.
Typical scenario: Husband leaves socks rolled up in a ball on the floor. Wife rolls her eyes, maybe huffs a bit, and because she feels she has repeated herself a billion times, she automatically uses "the voice" and says something along the lines of, "How many times do I have to ask you to pickup your socks?" Husband interprets this as nagging and stops listening.
Is there communication going on here? Sure. Is it GOOD communication? No.
I don't know how many times I've had a friend talk to me about something his/her spouse does that drives them nuts. Maybe they had a fight about it or maybe he/she is just pissed. I'll ask, "Have you sat down and talked about it?" 9 times out of 10, they haven't.
When there is a problem between you and your spouse, you have to make a conscious effort to stop yourself from making a snap reaction. No matter what the problem is, no matter how big or small, you have to remain calm, sit down and explain what the issue is without being accusative. Then come up with a solution TOGETHER. That part seems to be difficult for people. Don't tell your spouse what you're gonna do or what they need to do. Talk about it and decide together on something that is do-able and satisfactory for both of you. While you should avoid quick angry reactions, you also shouldn't let something go for a week without talking about it. Address problems once you've calmed down but as soon as possible. If you sit and stew in your anger for a week, something that is really a small problem could end up huge because not only have you been building up more anger, but this whole time, you're spouse didn't know there was a problem and may have done the offending behavior four more times that week.
I mentioned previously that I have been married before. I learned a LOT about communication from my first marriage... too bad I didn't learn it until after we were already divorced. My ex loved video games. He played them all the time. He played them instead of looking for jobs or even having sex. I got frustrated and nagged at him about it all the time. "Why don't you ever spend time with me?" "Why don't you get off the video games and look for a job?" He also loved his truck and spent way too much money on after market parts for it. I nagged at him about that too. "You're spending money on that again?" I thought I was talking and communicating but I wasn't, or I wasn't doing it effectively anyway. We talked one time a couple years after our divorce and actually communicated. He didn't realize that I was so stressed about money and that I wanted to spend more time together. I thought I was telling him this but I wasn't. I was nagging and talking out of anger and not getting my point across. And because of how I talked to him, he got defensive or annoyed right away and didn't listen to me. I was communicating but not the right message. My ex's problem was that he didn't talk at all. He told me after our divorce that if I had just sat down and played video games WITH him once in a while, he would have been more inclined to stop playing and spend time doing other things with me. He wanted me to take an interest in his hobby. He also said that if I had sat down with him and explained our financial situation calmly, he might have understood better why he needed to stop spending so much money on his truck. He didn't realize why I had been so upset all the time. But he never told me any of that when we were married! I also wasn't very encouraging. I never told him when he did a good job at anything; I only pointed out when he screwed up. No wonder why he tuned me out!
I have made a conscious effort to not repeat any of those communication errors with Hubs. We both make sure that if we have an issue, we talk about it as calmly as possible. If we start to get angry or raise our voices, we pause and come back to it after we've calmed down and have had time to think. It was difficult for me to do that at first. I thought yelling just meant I was passionate about what I was saying and that it was perfectly ok. News flash.... it's not okay. Yelling and saying things out of anger is totally unproductive. Now it is totally natural for me to stop myself and ask Hubs if I can think for a minute before we finish the conversation. Or I'll just say, "I'm getting really angry, can we finish this talk later?" It felt awkward at first but now I don't even think about it. The trick is that you have to make sure you come back to it. Preferably within a day. Otherwise you could fall into the "I'm getting angry let's talk about it later but we really never end up talking about it" trap.
Also remember that you are communicating ALL the time. What you wear, how you move around the house, how you look at your spouse, your tone of voice, how you talk to others in front of your spouse (I'll talk more about this in another post.)... You are communicating through all these things. Do I mean you have to look beautiful and gaze longingly at your husband while strutting around the house all the time? No. But when you wear your most unattractive PJ's to bed every night and leave the teddy in the dresser drawer, you're communicating. When something is visibly bothering you and you don't talk to your spouse about it, you're communicating. When you zone out watching t.v. every night, you're communicating. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that you should read into everything your spouse does to look for a hidden massage. I've pointed out these things to show you ways that YOU can improve the messages YOU send to your spouse every day. Take out the teddy every so often. Smile at your spouse across the dinner table. Hand the t.v. remote to your spouse once in a while. If something is bothering you, even if it doesn't have to do with your spouse, talk about it. When you're excited about something, tell your spouse. That kind of communication leads to better intimacy and is very important. It builds trust, confidence and companionship between you. Your spouse should be your best friend. I have gotten to the point where if I find out good or bad news, hear a rumor, find out secret, or hear about a job opportunity, I can't wait to go home and tell Hubs all about it because he is my best friend.
Communication really is key in a great marriage. The better your communication is, the better your sex life, finances, parenting, and overall contentment will be. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface on this topic, but it will be a recurring theme throughout my Marriage Monday posts because it goes hand-in-hand with so many other topics and because it is SO important.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Fitness Fridays
In addition to Marriage Mondays, I'm going to be starting up Fitness Fridays. I will post a 'before' picture which is really an 'in progress' picture but this is the first time I've started keeping track of my fitness progress. Maybe if I put pictures out there, I'll feel a bit more pressure to get serious. I was doing really great when I was in California by myself for work. I was working out every day and seeing some real progress. I even did a Warrior Dash and ran 10k for the first time in my life. Now that I've been back home with the kids and normal life for a while, I've totally gotten out of my workout routine and have gained 10 lbs. I didn't realize how hard it would be to find time to work out while working and taking care of 3 kids. I NEED to figure this out. As I go through this journey, I will be posting pictures as well as what has been working for me. I weigh 150lbs right now. My goal is to get below 135 (although my appearance is more important than the number) and I want to see my abs. I also would like to run a half marathon next year.
So here it goes.... see you Friday!
So here it goes.... see you Friday!
Marriage Mondays
I'm going to start a new series of posts, "Marriage Mondays" and hopefully I can get a post done every week. I'm going to write about marriage obviously... mostly about what works for my husband and I and what not to do. There are two main reasons why I've decided to do this. I'm not trying to sound arrogant but several people in the last few months have made comments to me about how great my marriage is, or how well Hubs and I work together, or how happy we are. Granted, we have our slumps just like any normal couple but I want to share with other people what we do to try and keep our marriage the best that it can be. The second reason I want to start this series is because we have seen couples splitting up all around us. Many of our friends are getting divorced and given the high divorce rate in this country, I'm sure it's not just our friends that are doing the divorcing. Divorce is everywhere. If I can help even one couple stay together, then this blog will have done something good and I will be happy.
Before I start the series, I'd like to give a little history of my husband and I so you can get to know me a little better and see the 'history' behind some of my forthcoming ideas.
Hubs is not my first husband. I myself have been through the "Big D". I got married shortly after high school to someone that just wasn't right for me. We fought a lot, had different life goals, were at different maturity levels; it just wasn't good. Despite all that, I wanted to stay with him but I think we had inflicted too much pain on each other and there was no going back. He asked me for a divorce about 2 years after we had gotten married and I reluctantly accepted. There was no way I was going to change his mind... which I learned after several attempts. While I was devastated, I learned a lot about what NOT to do from that marriage. After we divorced, I saw so clearly what I could have done differently. Amazing how that happens.... everything is so clear when you pull yourself out of a situation.
Hubs and I met in early 2005, started dating in June of that year and were married in November. I started dating him because I wanted to just have fun and not have a serious relationship. I NEVER would have believed you if you told me I would end up married to him. Little did I know that 5 months later we would be in Lake Tahoe in someone's spare bedroom that they'd made into a "chapel", wearing blue jeans, saying the big "I do." (Classy, right?)
After we had been married for about 3 1/2 years, we went through a slump. It felt like we were roommates that slept together. There was no connection. We were bored. Everything was mechanical. "Bye, I love you." "Goodnight, I love you." All the obligatory phrases were said at the obligatory times and that was it. Robots, that's what we were. We decided to get a divorce. We even made out financial plans to split, figured out who would have the kids, decided on child support; it was a done deal. But neither of us really wanted it. One night I sat down and said, "Look, I don't know if I want to get divorced. We got married. We made a commitment. We need to decide what we are going to do." Hubs said we should try to make our marriage work. I told him, we aren't going to TRY. We are either all in, or not in at all. We are either going to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work, TOGETHER, or we are screwed. We decided to work it out, pour ourselves into our marriage, and stick together, and it has been great. That was the turning point in our marriage. Maybe we needed to know we were both really IN it. Maybe we just needed a wake-up call. I don't know what it was but after that, we really changed. Now we have a better marriage than I could have ever hoped for. We are raising three great kids together, we never fight (although we never really did before either), and we even made it through 14 months of separation due to my job with no hiccups whatsoever.
We are real people. We are busy people. We both work. We disagree sometimes. We go through a slump here and there. But we make our marriage a priority and don't allow those things to break us apart. You can do it too.
See you Monday!
This is us on our 'classy' wedding night almost 7 years ago. We spent most of the evening in a casino and didn't even tell the people we were with that we had eloped before meeting up with them.
Before I start the series, I'd like to give a little history of my husband and I so you can get to know me a little better and see the 'history' behind some of my forthcoming ideas.
Hubs is not my first husband. I myself have been through the "Big D". I got married shortly after high school to someone that just wasn't right for me. We fought a lot, had different life goals, were at different maturity levels; it just wasn't good. Despite all that, I wanted to stay with him but I think we had inflicted too much pain on each other and there was no going back. He asked me for a divorce about 2 years after we had gotten married and I reluctantly accepted. There was no way I was going to change his mind... which I learned after several attempts. While I was devastated, I learned a lot about what NOT to do from that marriage. After we divorced, I saw so clearly what I could have done differently. Amazing how that happens.... everything is so clear when you pull yourself out of a situation.
Hubs and I met in early 2005, started dating in June of that year and were married in November. I started dating him because I wanted to just have fun and not have a serious relationship. I NEVER would have believed you if you told me I would end up married to him. Little did I know that 5 months later we would be in Lake Tahoe in someone's spare bedroom that they'd made into a "chapel", wearing blue jeans, saying the big "I do." (Classy, right?)
After we had been married for about 3 1/2 years, we went through a slump. It felt like we were roommates that slept together. There was no connection. We were bored. Everything was mechanical. "Bye, I love you." "Goodnight, I love you." All the obligatory phrases were said at the obligatory times and that was it. Robots, that's what we were. We decided to get a divorce. We even made out financial plans to split, figured out who would have the kids, decided on child support; it was a done deal. But neither of us really wanted it. One night I sat down and said, "Look, I don't know if I want to get divorced. We got married. We made a commitment. We need to decide what we are going to do." Hubs said we should try to make our marriage work. I told him, we aren't going to TRY. We are either all in, or not in at all. We are either going to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work, TOGETHER, or we are screwed. We decided to work it out, pour ourselves into our marriage, and stick together, and it has been great. That was the turning point in our marriage. Maybe we needed to know we were both really IN it. Maybe we just needed a wake-up call. I don't know what it was but after that, we really changed. Now we have a better marriage than I could have ever hoped for. We are raising three great kids together, we never fight (although we never really did before either), and we even made it through 14 months of separation due to my job with no hiccups whatsoever.
We are real people. We are busy people. We both work. We disagree sometimes. We go through a slump here and there. But we make our marriage a priority and don't allow those things to break us apart. You can do it too.
See you Monday!
This is us on our 'classy' wedding night almost 7 years ago. We spent most of the evening in a casino and didn't even tell the people we were with that we had eloped before meeting up with them.
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