Well we finally took our vacuum-lovin' little man to the doctor. His 4-year-old check up was earlier this month and I mentioned our concerns about him to the pediatrician. She said his behavior is not totally abnormal but it doesn't sound normal either so she referred us to a child psychologist, if only to give us some peace of mind. I have mixed feelings about our pediatrician and was expecting to have to be pushy to get a referral so I was pleasantly surprised that she was so understanding. First hurdle... cleared.
About a week later we took Little Man to the psychologist. I had no idea what to expect going into that appointment. I had never gone to one before. It was long. First she talked to me and Dad together. Then she talked to each of us individually and spend some time alone with Little Man. At the end she sat down with us and gave us her thoughts. I think that without realizing it, I had been expecting some big revelation from her and I was sorely disappointed. I need some time to process and mull things over and by that evening I was so confused and angry. She said that Little Man was cognitively on track but he has some developmental delays. Ok.... what are they? She said she couldn't give him a diagnosis of Asperger's at this time. Ok... what does that mean? That we should watch for it later? That it's too early to tell? That it's completely ruled out? (mind you, I didn't mention Asperger's at all to her. She brought it up.) She said she thinks it's more of a parenting issue and she wants to work with us to tackle Little Man's problems from a parenting angle and she referred us to a program through the county school system to evaluate him and address his developmental delays. That part was difficult not to take personally. What does she mean it's a "parenting issue"? We are sucky parents? Our other kids seem to be doing fine. I think what she meant was that it is an issue that we may be able to solve by adjusting our parenting but at the time, I was sensitive and didn't see it that way. She recommended that we read a book called "1-2-3 Magic" which has been awesome for our other son and our daughter but it only works about half the time with Little Man. We have learned that if Little Man is having one of his irrational melt-downs, no amount of counting and rest periods are going to solve the issue or calm him down. Sometimes it actually makes it worse to give him a rest-period that if we just let him tantrum it out.
Another thing she said didn't sit right with me and I didn't realize why until after I had had some time to think. I had mentioned before that I was gone for a year due to my job. The psychologist said that sometimes when a parent leaves like that, the child will go on a developmental hiatus and just stop developing while the parent is gone. At first I thought that was strange just because in my career field, people have to leave their kids for long periods of time pretty often and I've never heard of any kids going on a "developmental hiatus". Must be a pretty rare thing... but then I realized, Little Man had all these problems before I even left. I had mentioned the autism spectrum to my husband well before then. So if he already had these issues when I left, how could they be due to my leaving? Unless his behaviors were normal for a 2 1/2 year old and aren't normal for a 4 year old?
Anyway, I didn't feel any more enlightened after that appointment than I did before. If anything I just felt like a crappy mom who somehow damaged her child. I'm dreading going back to this woman.
We called the county program the psychologist recommended and Little Man has his first appointment next month. I had thought the psychologist visits would be the more in-depth of the two but it looks like the county program will be the more in-depth. They asked me a LOT of questions about Little Man to prepare the team for his first appointment. At the first appointment, which they call a 'team meeting', there will be a child psychologist, a nurse, a speech and hearing therapist, and a special education provider present. Again, I have no idea what to expect from this but from what I've learned, they will gather information to decide what they should evaluate Little Man for.
This is all so foreign to me. I hate not knowing what to expect or not knowing if I'm doing the right thing. I talked to a friend from high school that I haven't talked to in years because she has 2 kids on the autism spectrum and I just wanted to ask her some questions. I'm SO glad I talked to her. It was such a comfort to me to have someone understand exactly how I feel and to give me some insight on how to handle people and therapists and my own feelings. I have never really needed much support from people or had a problem feeling alone in something until this and it was such a relief to know that she had been through this exact same thing and knew exactly how I felt before I even finished a sentence.
All of this is making me very impatient. I have been feeling like I should leave my job for a while. I wish I could just quit tomorrow but I can't for several reasons. I want to focus on my kids. I want to be a stay at home mom for a few years at least. I feel like God is leading me that way and things are already starting to fall into place as far as preparation. The things that aren't falling into place, well, I think I just need to trust that God will take care of that part. Hopefully sometime next fall, I can't punch out for the last time... and I can't wait. My kids are more important than any amount of money.
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