Quirky

My younger son is quirky.  That's the best way to describe him.  Quirky.  Ever since he started talking, he's been obsessed with the vacuum cleaner.  He's four now.  Most people think it's cute.  I used to think it was cute too.  Now I just worry.  I feel like I'm always fighting with the vacuum to get his attention.  Now that he's added lawnmowers to his obsession, I feel like I will never win.

"Why did you hit your sister?"
"Mommy, we have a black vacuum."

"What do you want for lunch?"
"Is Daddy gonna lownmower the yard?"

"You gonna go pee pee and poo poo in the potty today?"
"Mommy, are you gonna vacuum?"

We played Chutes and Ladders the other day.  Curse the man who put a picture of a kid mowing the lawn on there.  Once he saw that, it was exponentially difficult to get him to play the game.
"Your turn honey."
"Mommy, whats that?"
"It's a lawnmower. Spin the spinner."
"What's he doing?"
"He's mowing the lawn.  You got a four.  Can you move your guy four squares?"
"He's mowing the lawn to cut the grass."
"Yes honey, can we count to four?"
Repeat that till the game is over.

Sometimes I want to scream.

I don't want to say he is my favorite kid.  I don't have a favorite.  I love all my kids equally, but differently, if that makes sense.  Since the day my younger son was born I've had a feeling about him.... a feeling I can't explain.  Like he needs to be protected more than the others.  Or that he needs more attention than the others. It's amazing how mother's intuition works... that I knew from the day he was born that he was different.  Different isn't bad, it's just different.

His obsessions are just one of his quirks.  He lines up the alphabet magnets into a square every time he goes into the kitchen.  I worry that he'll never be potty trained.  He rarely looks at me when I'm talking to him and I'm constantly trying to get him to focus.  We call him "the destroyer".  He's broken more toys than I care to count because he's either too rough with them, or he uses them for his own creative purposes.  Don't even think about changing his routine.... the meltdown that follows isn't worth it.  I'm learning that it isn't all routines. Some things I can change and he does fine.  But don't change his seat at the dinner table.  Just don't do it.  It isn't pretty.  Recently I've noticed that sometimes he reverts to babyhood.  Like when he's mad he makes this noise that 2 year olds make.  I can't seem to get him to stop doing it.
Sometimes I feel like he just isn't there.  He's off in his own little made-up world full of vacuums and lawnmowers.

He brings me my lowest lows.  Lows where I want to pull all my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs.  But he brings me my highest highs too.  Highs where I'm laughing until tears are streaming down my face and I can't catch my breath.  And he's the best snuggler.  You can't snuggle with him without falling asleep.  It just isn't possible.  He snuggles his little body up to you in such a way that he can't possibly get any closer and it melts your heart.  My husband says we should rent him out to insomniac clinics because he could single handedly cure everyone in an hour.

I'm starting a notebook and writing down all his quirks because I can't think of them all at one time.  I've only written a fraction of them above.  Some could be attributed to his age.  Maybe he's just a quirky kid but I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that tells me otherwise.  At his next check-up in August we are going to talk to the doctor about getting him tested for Asberger's Syndrome.  It may still be too early for them to know for sure, but if he doesn't have it, they'll be able to rule it out.  If he has it, I don't know what that means.  I watch Parenthood.  The kid on there, Max, has Asberger's.  Is that what my son will be like in a few years?  TV isn't reality I know, but that's all I have to go on.  I've never known anyone on the Autism spectrum.  I have to idea what it would mean for my son... or for how we parent him.  I guess we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it.